


The Sterek Diaries

by Anonymous



Category: Princess Diaries - All Media Types, Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Book/Movie Fusion, Diary/Journal, F/M, Gen, High School AU, M/M, Modern AU, Parody, Princess Diaries - Freeform, Royalty AU, Slow build Sterek, kinda OOC, many non-endgame pairings, princess diaries fusion, secretly royal!Stiles
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2012-11-23
Updated: 2012-11-25
Packaged: 2017-11-19 07:39:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,871
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/570822
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Stiles Stilinski is so not the royal heir to an obscure European principality. C'mon, look at him. Yeah, he's definitely being Punk'd.</p>
<p>(A Princess Diaries fusion.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Princess Diaries fusion, based on the book series rather than the movies (although I love both!)
> 
> I'm finally jumping into writing for TW, after lurking on the fringes for some time. This was going to be my Teen Wolf Crossover Bang fic for next year, but I had too many other ideas for that. (Besides, this will end up being way over 10K.)

 

# Stiles Stilinski’s Blog

## Tuesday, September 23

     Sometimes it seems like my dad doesn’t trust me. Like he thinks I lie to him most of the time. Which I totally do not, he is way off base about that. The extent of Stiles Stilinski’s untruthful representations to his parent is limited to white lies about curfews and/or getting in trouble with Scott, and nothing else.

My dad thinks I’m repressing my feelings about this new revelation. He didn’t believe me when I told him that no, I’m not, I’m actually really happy for him. 

Anyway, Dad said, “I don’t think you’re being honest with me.”

Papa Stilinski may be the Big Bad Sheriff of this little town, but his BS radar is only effective against criminals, not his own teenaged son. I was attempting, with all my mental might and willpower, not to let an eyeroll slip out.  I don’t quite think I succeeded because I got a very put-out sounding sigh and his exasperated _Stiles. (with a full-stop and everything)_ Stern Face. 

Then he handed me a diary. A freakin’ diary. (Actually, it was a moleskine notebook. With a faux leather cover and nice binding. I’m keeping it, hah!)

He told me he wants me to use the diary to write down my feelings (and I’m actually doing so, on a blog. Why??? Blogging! I seriously need to get a life) and all that jazz, since I don’t feel like I can “talk it out” with him or my guidance counselor.

 

See, Dad has started dating Ms. Morrell. She’s Beacon Hills High School’s guidance counselor. I’ve had semi-regular appointments with her since the start of freshman year last year, for my ADHD and the grief counseling sessions near the anniversary of Mom’s death.

Like _whoa, awkward_ , you know? I can’t talk to my guidance counselor about my feelings about her dating my father. That’s just weird and uncomfortable (the talking part more than the dating part.)

Honestly, I’m down with him dating. I know Dad gets lonely with just the two of us in the house. Imagine the poor man if I somehow acquired an actual social life, or end up going out of state for college. (The former is not likely, the latter not at all. Looking after Dad has become a deeply ingrained ritual for me. Maybe I’m too co-dependent? But for a middle-aged man, he eats _way_ too many mono- and trans-fats, and has terrible cholesterol.) 

I hope he doesn’t feel guilty about jumping (Wading? Dipping his toes? Whatever the terminology is here) back into the dating market or whatever. I don’t know how I feel about it being Ms. Morrell though. She’s nice enough, it’s just the whole weirdness factor of her being my guidance counselor.

Anyway, it’s such a heavy topic of conversation to broach. I don’t know how to even begin to tell him (“Dad, you have my permission to date people. Dunno how I feel about it being Ms. Morrell, give me some time”?).  The dating’s not serious yet and they might not last, so we both shy away from having the conversation. Seems like we’re a pretty typical father-son duo in many respects.

 

\--

( **Posted by:** Stiles Stilinski.)

* * *

# The Private Blog of Stiles Stilinski 

## Tuesday, September 23 part II

Holy crap, I forgot to alter my privacy settings to “Only Me”.  Thankfully it’s a brand new account and I haven’t added any friends to it. The blog itself was only a few hours old so Google wouldn’t have indexed it yet. And _voilà_ , this is now a private blog. Good thing I fixed this in time, it could have been a costly mistake.

I would never _ever_ hear the end of it if people from BHHS (in particular, the lacrosse team) knew that I poured out my innermost feelings on the Internet. I am one hundred and forty-seven pounds of pale skin and fragile bone. So no, my outpourings of angst and sarcasm and weird thoughts borne out of the deepest recesses of my mind must remain a secret from the whole world. Or else. (It really is an "or else" because I would end up taking permanent residence in the teenage hell that is Social Ostracism.

 

\--

( **Posted by:** Stiles Stilinski. **Mood:** Paranoid.) 

* * *

 

## Wednesday, September 24, Fifth Period

[ **Location:** Beacon Hills High School.]

 

Found a mobile app for my phone that lets me post to my top secret blog. Who knew I had so many feelings to unleash? (This is worrying.) Or that study hall could be so boring? (It really is, I feel the urge to fidget and tap away on surfaces most of the time.)

In Homeroom, I told Scott about my Dad and Ms. Morrell and he was like: “Dude, Ms. Morrell’s cool. She lets you pick from a wide assortment of flavored lollipops.” Scott also has semi-regular visits to the guidance counselor, due to his dad being an “unfit parent” who skipped town and abandoned Scott and his mom a couple of years ago.

I was momentarily rendered speechless by the fact that the word “assortment” was actually in Scott’s vocabulary.

I kid, I kid. My best friend can occasionally be a potato, but he ain’t stupid.  

“Someone’s started studying for SATs already, I see,” I snarked, pleased to have a study buddy. Scott’s really a lovable dork who “doesn’t apply himself” (according to his evaluation) and is the worst procrastinator ever. But he’s making more of an effort lately; he’ll need financial aid to go to college-- we’re both in the same boat for that.

“And I know Ms. Morrell is a decent person. Don’t know if she would make a good step-mom, though.” Maybe too early to worry, but it is a possibility nevertheless.

Scott made an Ugh face, because he’s getting a new step-father soon. Mrs McCall is a nurse and she’s engaged to Dr Robert Hale, whom she met through work. Dr Hale’s a well-known research clinician and the father to Derek Hale.

Derek, Scott’s soon-to-be step-brother, is the kind of guy that gives other guys inferiority complexes. One could list his “perfect” attributes, because Scott whines about them all the time.  I think Scott’s scared that Derek will supplant him in Mrs McCall’s affections, which is ridiculous (nobody is more lovable than Scott). He is surprisingly fixated on “Him vs. Us”. 

 

Anyway, Derek Hale is:

  * a senior. (Scott and I are sophomores.)
  * six foot one and insanely ripped. (Scott and I are going through growth spurts, may catch up re: height. But the muscular build is probably a pipe dream.)
  * the star of the baseball team. (This does not work in Derek’s favor as much, because the only thing BHHS truly cares about is lacrosse. Scott and I are second, maybe third stringers for lacrosse.)
  * super smart, Derek does a bunch of AP courses including Physics, Chem, Bio and Calc. (Scott and I could get there. Theoretically.)
  * apparently planning to do pre-med and follow his dad’s footsteps like the perfect son he is. (Scott and I have no idea what we want to do in the future.)



 

God, why'd this post derail into a lengthy self-comparison with Derek Hale? I’m going to stop now.

Jackson Whittemore’s giving me the side-eye, and clearly wondering what I’m typing so frantically away at on my phone. Well, he can stew in an unsatiated (is that a word? Need to look it up!) state of curiosity forever. I despise  Jackson Whittemore with all of my being because Lydia—

Oops, the bell. Need to get my ass to Spanish, more later.

 

\--

( **Posted by:** Stiles Stilinski) 

* * *

## Wednesday, September 24 part II

[ **Location:** Home.]

   

I despise Jackson Whittemore for a number of reasons. The chief one is that he’s dating Lydia Martin, who only happens to be the girl I’ve had a ridiculous crush on since third grade. Jackson knows this and is an asshole who delights in tormenting me by playing tonsil lacrosse with Lydia against her locker every morning. I have a front-row seat to that one because Lydia’s locker is right next to mine this year. I did not initially anticipate how this could be such an awful, terrible fact.  Cruel cruel world! :(

Sometimes he even presses her up against my locker, and I can tell he’s smirking when I need to get past them because I haven’t gotten my books.  Seriously, what the hell does she see in him? Besides the fact that he’s rich enough to drive a Porsche, conventionally good-looking _and_ a first-stringer for lacrosse?

Jackson has all that and Lydia Martin. The guy is the prime example of why life really _is_ unfair.

I’m at home now and eating dinner alone tonight. Dad’s sprung for a date with Ms. Morrell. It’s very sudden. I was pretty annoyed when he texted me last-minute to say he wouldn’t be home because I’d been planning to cook something healthy and filling. Looks like I won’t have to bother-- it’ll be a microwaveable TV dinner for Stiles tonight. 

 

\---

( **Posted by:** Stiles Stilinski. **Mood:** Cranky.) 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I. This is mild parody fic. Stiles is unnecessarily ridiculous, but hopefully entertainingly so.
> 
> II. Endgame pairings are those listed in the relationship tags. There will be some non-endgame pairings popping up eventually, but that's a long way off. But ultimately, endgame = endgame.
> 
> III. Looking for a beta reader for this fic, my usual BR is too busy with work and vacation trips. If anyone's interested, please drop me a line through LJ (same username as here) or email (same username at Gmail dot com).


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> His teenage problems are intensifying, and Stiles just wants the school week to be over already.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I. Thank you for the support, especially to those of you who recc'd this story or helped promote it on tumblr.
> 
> II. Disclaimer: I don't own Teen Wolf or the Princess Diaries series. This is written for entertainment, not profit.

### Thursday, September 25

[ **Location:** Scott’s house.]

 

All I could think about at school today was the fact that Dad didn’t come home from his date until after 2am (which is when I fell asleep). If he even came back at all. Ughh. What if it really is getting serious?

Anyway, I was extremely sleep-deprived the entire day, so I don’t really remember much.  A few things do stand out distinctly, though.

In homeroom, I told Scott about Dad’s date and he was totally unsympathetic. He said: “Dude, parents have sex lives too.” I threw my pen at him, which he dodged and stuck out his tongue.

“Even your mom and Dr. Hale?” I asked, whereupon Scott’s face contorted dramatically and he looked like he needed brain bleach.

“You win,” he conceded.  I didn’t even gloat much, because I was an awesome best friend and also because I happened to be exhausted.

Sadly, this moral victory was the only good thing that happened to me today.

 

I got all banged up in practice today. Jackson was especially aggressive, because he and Danny had another fight. Like Scott and I, they’ve been best friends since kindergarten. Usually Danny’s one of the only two people Jackson is nice to at school, the other person being Lydia (obviously).  But lately Danny and Jackson have been arguing and starting to drift apart.

Some brief background: Danny is openly gay. (That isn’t why they’re fighting. Jackson Whittemore may have a lot of horrible characteristics, but thankfully “bigoted” isn’t one of them.) Danny came out the beginning of freshman year. Everyone was supportive—Beacon Hills is a liberal, Hollywood-loving town and we have a pretty tight-knit community. Plus, Jackson and his friends put their popularity to good use and made it very clear that anybody who mistreated Danny in the slightest would be crossing _them_.

Rumor has it that Jackson despises Danny’s new boyfriend and vice versa, and both of them want Danny to pick a side. See, Danny’s boyfriend is a co-captain of Trinity’s varsity lacrosse team. Trinity Bay and Beacon Hills are _huge_ sporting nemeses. The rivalry between our two affluent towns is intensely ugly, particularly in varsity and junior varsity lacrosse. One could like it to the blood feud between Auburn and Alabama in college football. SHIT IS REAL, YO. (Crap, I sound like a massive douchenozzle. Or a trash-talking sports fan. Note to self: don’t do that again.)

Anyway, between Jackson’s Godzilla rampage and my sleep-deprived performance taking backup reps, I think I may be getting demoted to third string.

 

Now at Scott’s house for a homework session. Obviously it hasn’t been very productive. I’m typing this on my phone while Scott’s playing one of the numerous Angry Birds sequels on his.

Chemistry is a challenging subject and Harris is not a good teacher. I’m seriously considering getting a tutor, because we need help. Desperately. However, the only person that really comes to mind is…Derek Hale. Scott would sulk if I suggested him, so I haven’t brought it up.

Derek is perfect, though. For the job, I mean. He’s an Honors student with a perfect GPA, and it’s not like he’s super busy with extra-curriculars or anything, apart from baseball. You’d think that a guy like him would be painting the town red every night and have a social life to rival Jackson’s, but Derek’s shockingly quite the hermit.  I don’t even know who his friends are, if he even has any. He’s really aloof at school. I think some people at BHHS think that Derek thinks (so many thoughts!) he’s above hanging out with them, or whatever.

Plus Derek actually lives here, at Scott’s house. He and his dad moved into the McCall household shortly after the engagement. The McCall-Hales haven’t bothered finding a new house yet, because Laura (Derek’s older sister) is off at college in another state and Derek himself will be probably be gone in a couple of months, after the wedding in June. In the meantime, Derek is living in the guest room. (The door is always closed. I have no idea what he does in there. Seriously, he _never_ comes out.) 

Hmmm, Scott’s games drained his phone battery. Now he’s bored. He’s just torn out some notebook paper and suggested that we engage in our time-honored ritual of making a list (which we lamely nickname as a “LiSSt” = LIst of Scott and STiles) on a given topic.

\--

( **Posted by:** Stiles Stilinski.)

* * *

 

#### Scott McCall’s Celebrity Freebie LiSSt _(with commentary by Stiles Stilinski)_

**10.** Taylor Swift _(I knew you were a Swifty! I KNEW IT.)_

 **9.** Kate Upton _(Four words: Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition!)_

 **8.** Annie from Community _(Alison Brie, huh? I personally prefer Gillian Jacobs, but I can totally see your point.)_

 **7.** Emma Stone _(She is indisputably awesome. She should totally be higher on this list, Scott!)_

 **6.** That hot blonde cheerleader from Glee. The one who graduated, not the new one. _(I’m pretty sure you mean Dianna Agron, and yep dammit she is beautiful, kind of reminds me of Lydia…)_

 **5.** Sasha Grey _(You know that she retired, right? ...Awww, is that why you picked her?)_

 **4.** Kate Beckinsale  _(An irreproachable selection, Scott.)_

 **3.** Anne Hathaway _(You bandwagoner, I liked her before she was Catwoman!)_

 **2.** Mila Kunis _(…Seriously, just "..." )_

 **1.** Natalie Portman _(Your #1 and #2 hasn’t changed for like, two years.  Black Swan is old, ancient news. You gotta let them go, man. Make room for other worthy candidates.)_

* * *

 

#### Stiles Stilinski’s Celebrity Freebie LiSSt: Male Edition (with commentary by Scott McCall)

 

Because we are ~~horny~~ open-minded teenagers who believe in equal opportunity hookups:

 

 **10.** George Clooney ( Pretty awesome actor, but isn’t he old now?)

 **9.** Anderson Cooper ( The guy on CNN right? He’s kinda old…)

 **8.** ~~Alex Smith, the usual starting QB for the San Francisco 49ers.~~ Gale Harold, aka Brian Kinney from Queer as Folk ( Alex Smith??? Really? Dude he’s losing his starting job to Kaepernick! That’s so unsexy. And Gale Harold is old enough to be your FATHER! Sensing a disturbing trend here...)

 **7.** Stephen Amell, aka Oliver Queen in Arrow ( Don’t watch that show. But I just Googled him, nice abs!)

 **6.** Gerard Butler ( The first decent choice on this list, he was so badass in 300.)

 **5.** Chris Hemsworth ( Ditto!)

 **4.** Adam Lambert ( Umm no I’m not into that glam rock stuff, IDIC.)

 **3.** Daniel Craig ( I don’t really have an opinion on him. Again, he’s pretty old…)

 **2.** Zachary Quinto ( His Spock’s okay I guess. But how come the actor for Chekov didn’t make this list???)

 **1.** Joseph Gordon-Levitt ( Uh he’s like the celebrity version of YOU… Should I be reading something into that?)

 

 

* * *

 

### Thursday, September 25 pt. II

[ **Location:** Scott’s house.]

 

Oh my God.

Derek came downstairs while Scott was taking a shower and I was waiting for our takeout delivery. Unfortunately for me, I was so engrossed in stalking Lydia’s tumblr (which consisted of high heels, kittens, makeup, and math jokes??? No idea about the last part…) that I didn’t notice Derek approaching the table and standing beside me.

“Hey, what’s this?” Derek asked.

I looked up, but it was too late. He was already holding the LiSSts, one in each hand. I tried to snatch them back but he angled his body away.

He read the titles and then said, “I didn’t know you were into guys.” His gaze was extremely focused and intense as if he’d never seen me before. Like he was meeting me for the first time and trying to memorize me by sight, or something. It was unnerving.

“I’m not. I mean, not exclusively. I think I’m bisexual—well—bicurious, at least and—“ I stopped speaking, my brain having finally caught up with my big mouth, and I was horrified.

Derek had returned his attention to the LiSSts, though, and was reading mine. “ _Alex Smith_? Just—really?” He shook his head. And then he laughed! Well, it was more of a deep chuckle. Derek had a nice laugh. I’d never heard it before. 

But that didn’t excuse him from laughing at MY expense. I was starting to feel pissed. “What the hell’s wrong with Alex Smith?” I demanded, maybe a bit too belligerently. 

Derek looked a bit taken aback. “Well, he’s a pretty mediocre quarterback. A disappointing first overall draft pick who sucked for what, six years?”

“Because he had a rotating door of coaches and offensive coordinators! The front office sucked balls,” I argued. So sue me, I’m a big Alex Smith apologist.

“Besides, Colin Kaepernick is the future of the franchise.” He smirked, “You have to admit that Scott’s right, Smith _is_ unsexy.”

“Is not! He totally has a Ryan Gosling vibe going on.”

Derek looked amused. I was feeling anything but. He skimmed the rest of the LiSSt and periodically raised a distinctive eyebrow, all the while somehow managing to fend off my attempts to retrieve the LiSSts.

“Hmmm. So you have a thing for older men or what…?” He snickered again, and I couldn’t take it any more. 

“Oh my God, just stop it already!” I buried my face in my hands. My cheeks were flaming hot. Death by humiliation, right then and there.

Thankfully, he did, because we heard Scott thumping down the stairs and the doorbell ringing. Derek handed me the LiSSts and said, “I wouldn’t let you near any of these guys. They’re all too old for you.” Then he went and answered the door.

What the hell???

 

“What’s up?” Scott asked, but I didn’t have time to say anything because Derek ninja-ed back (how does he do it with all that bulk?) into the room, arms laden with takeaway cartons.

“Hey, that’s our dinner!” Scott objected. “We ordered it.”

Derek retorted, “I paid for it.” And that was the end of it, because there was definitely enough food to go around.

After grabbing utensils and dining ware from the kitchen, we moved to the couches. Scott and Derek promptly began a tussle over the TV channel. Scott wanted to watch NBC Thursday Night Comedies; Derek, the Thursday Night Football game on NFL network.

Enough was enough. I commandeered the remote and the two of them glared at me when I settled on the X Factor + Glee combo on FOX. “What? The guest has the deciding vote, that’s how it goes.”

I caught Derek’s eye several times during dinner, and in every single instance he shot me a shit-eating grin while mouthing, “Alex Smith?” 

I couldn’t focus on the results show at all. Scott, however, didn’t notice a thing. What a potato.

And like, Derek is still doing it! I’m typing this post during the commercial breaks. I’m not even going to look up because I’m pretty certain Derek’s lying in wait to aim more knowing looks in my direction. It won’t work if I can’t see it! 

 

Why does Derek Hale persist in tormenting me? 

Ughh. WHAT IS MY LIFE. (Oh God, the hipster blogging lingo is already creeping into my writing/speech patterns. I must kill this habit in its infancy! Hmmm I wonder if Lydia Martin has an actual written blog? She seems like the type to have one. Must investigate this later.)

Anyway, re: Derek Hale’s propensity for inflicting emotional torture on me. He's not even doing it with malicious intent the way Jackson does. No, it's like Derek just enjoys watching me squirm. He seems to find it very entertaining.

Oh my God, what is it about me that has other people reveling in the glory of my pain/angst? Is my being a source of schadenfreude (SAT word meaning "enjoyment obtained from the troubles of others") a penance for my sins in a past life?

You know, I bet I was a serial killer. A suave, sociopathic serial murderer who lured the Fair Lady incarnations of past-Derek and past-Jackson to their dooms. And hence their current hell-bent determination to see me suffer in my present life. It explains  _so_ much.

 

\--

( **Posted by:** Stiles Stilinski. **Mood:** Infuriated.)

* * *

 

### Friday, September 26, Sixth Period 

[ **Location:** BHHS]

 

Had an utterly craptastic day. TGIF! Just twenty more minutes of study hall until sweet, glorious freedom.

Harris gave a pop quiz in Chem and practically everybody in the class was equally blindsided, but I totally bombed it. It’s only September and I’m (probably) already failing a subject. FML. 

I was still sore from yesterday’s lacrosse practice, and had the bad fortune to be assigned to Jackson’s volleyball team in PE. We lost very narrowly and Jackson was pissed. 

So pissed that while I was unchanging, he suddenly and not-very-gently slammed me up against the wall in the changing room, and was all: “Dammit, Stilinski! What the fuck?”

The muscles in my back tensed up from the impact, and I shivered, because you know—I didn’t have a shirt on—and then he actually looked pleased.

I don’t even know. Whatever.

 

\--

( **Posted by:** Stiles Stilinski. **Mood:** Impatient.)

 

* * *

  

### Friday, September 26, pt. II

[ **Location:** Home.]

 

OH MY GOD. It's like Jackson was trying to make me his bitch! As if I'm the omega of the lacrosse team or something, which I so am not.

Greenberg would be the unanimous omega of the lacrosse team. So there. 

Unlike Scott, I'm not actually blind to the celebration that goes on in the locker rooms during post-game victories. Whatever. I never knew  _Jackson_  was into that kind of stuff, and one would think I know him pretty well. 

I mean, he's had it out for me since the first day of high school. Jackson is the Draco Malfoy to my Harry Potter, the Green Goblin to my Spider-Man, the Cyclops to my Wolverine. (Maybe not the last example. After all, Scott Summers is technically on the good side, even if he is a colossal dickbag. And the unfortunate truth is I'm probably not badass enough to be Logan.) 

Seriously. And now Jackson is trying to intimidate me with his alpha male posturing and playing mind games. This, on top of the day I’ve already had, has led me to conclude:

My life can  _not_  get any worse. 

 

\--

( **Posted by:** Stiles Stilinski. **Mood:** Overwhelmed.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I. Poor Stiles. He should have knocked on wood. Because the big you-know-what revelation is coming up very soon!
> 
> II. There was a boat-load of subtext in this chapter between various characters, some of it very subtle and a lot of it not at all. How many examples did you spot? And for someone who prides himself on being more perceptive than Scott, Stiles can be surprisingly oblivious himself, no?
> 
> III. On a related note to II, psychologists would probably have a field day with Scott and Stiles’s LiSSts/commentaries. 
> 
> IV. Finally, I’m not really a Niners fan IRL but I thought this AU’s Stiles would probably be one, and an Alex Smith apologist to boot.  
> Speaking of which, today’s (Sunday) NFL game for the Niners (vs. Saints @ New Orleans) is one I’ll be watching closely. Colin Kaepernick will supposedly be starting over Alex Smith, although some reports state otherwise. You never know with Harbaugh.


End file.
